When your partner cheats on you with someone else, it represents a major betrayal.
The person you trusted the most, whom you loved, perhaps even planned to spend your life with, has cheated on you. The rug has been pulled out from under you – and it can leave you questioning everything.
It’s not just the act of cheating that hurts, it’s often lying and secretly getting under your skin. This may make you wonder – what’s wrong with me? Can I trust them – or anyone – ever again?
Whether cheating signals the end of your relationship, or you have chosen to forgive and take them back, there is likely to be some heavy baggage that you need to work through.
Recently, Gogglebox star and presenter Dennis Van Outen revealed that he is Seeking therapy to eliminate her cheating ex. She said that she is undergoing therapy so that she can be ’emotionally ready’ for her next relationship.
‘I think because everything that happened affected me, like it really affected me, I then wanted to understand why there seems to be a pattern, not just on the other side of it, but on my side as well,’ she said. Fearon Cotton’s Happy Place Podcast.
So, should more of us turn to professional help to deal with our hurt after being cheated on?
matchDating expert, Hayley Quinn, says it definitely makes sense if you feel like you need someone to talk to about what you’re going through.
Hayley told Metro.co.uk, ‘If you find out that your ex is cheating on you, it will take some time to reconcile the relationship you experienced with the reality of their infidelity.
‘That’s because the relationship you knew was not what it seemed. If you have placed your trust in someone and that trust is broken, it can plunge you into the world of dating with a sixth sense of danger.
Hayley says it’s really easy to fall into questionable patterns that can fuel your lack of trust. For example, you may find yourself Googling ‘red flags on first dates’, or tempted to look at a new partner’s phone.
“You need to focus instead on not only restoring your trust in other people, but also on your ability to make good decisions in yourself and for yourself,” says Hayley.
How does cheating manifest itself in future relationships?
If you’ve been cheated on, Hayley says it can be tempting to draw broad, broad conclusions about the dating world.
’ You might think – “No one is loyal anymore,” or, “Why am I always up for commitment and not my partner?”
‘ If this sounds familiar, take a step back and focus on building a more positive attitude about dating, for example, with more statements like: “Yeah, I’ve been hurt before, but I really believe It’s that there are so many great people out there who want the things I want, I just have to find them.”‘
Charlotte Johnson, sex and relationship expert mega pleasure, it adds that it is common for your self-esteem to take a knock after being cheated on. And it can affect future relationships as well.
“Being cheated on can affect your self-esteem and confidence,” she says. ‘Over time, you may find that it affects your mood and how you adapt to new relationships.
‘You may find it difficult to connect with potential lovers on a meaningful level as a result of your past experiences. Trust is a major factor here and it is likely to take some time to rebuild.
Charlotte adds that being cheated on can make you more skeptical of forming new relationships, which, while perfectly normal, can keep you from moving forward.
‘The most important thing to remember is that you are not to blame,’ she says.
Hayley suggests that if your self-esteem is suffering, remind yourself that your ex’s infidelity isn’t a reflection of how attractive you are, or how good you are as a person—it’s about you to them. is more about.
“Write a list of all the ways your ex treated you that made you realize they weren’t a keeper, and a list of what you need to be happy with a future relationship,” says Hayley. Write.
‘It puts you back in the driving seat and reminds you that you are the one to choose your mates.
‘Remember, a true protector will constantly make you feel secure in your relationship and will work with you to address any insecurities you may have.’
how to keep deceit behind you
At the end of a relationship, the thing we always crave the most is closure.
Often we seek an apology, or acknowledgment of the harm it has caused. And many of our questions about infidelity may have answers. However, you might never be as close as you want to be.
‘A breakup caused by cheating can expose you to many unknowns in front of you, which makes it difficult to trust again,’ says Hayley.
‘You may not be able to do it right away, but something that can take off is to reflect on what you’ve learned from this experience. Remember – you are not back to square one, you are wiser this time and more aware of what you need to be happy in future relationships.
‘When you can find meaning in your past relationship – even if it ended badly – it will leave you in a better position to move on.’
It’s also important, says Charlotte, to give yourself space to grieve, and grieve what you’ve lost. It’s not healthy to act as if it never happened, or that it didn’t hurt.
She says, “The best way to move on is to recognize your sadness and be around you with the people who mean the most to you – like your family and friends.”
‘The important thing is that it’s okay to allow yourself to feel upset, angry or other emotions for a while. Try not to ignore it.
‘Another great way to help leave cheating behind is by prioritizing yourself. Take some time to invest in your self-care, whether it’s taking time off the internet, reading a book, exercising, or booking a manicure.’
Practical Strategies for Recovering from Cheating Injury
‘If you want to end someone, it’s important for you to stop having conversations with your ex.
‘Restrict yourself from late night texts, talking about them through their social media or with your friends.
‘Even if you’re hurting now, know that the ultimate destination you’re headed for is neutrality: they won’t be as important to you in the future as they are today.
‘Even if it seems scary at first, after you’ve had some time to grieve, start interacting with new people again. Take the pressure off and focus only on fun, relaxing dates.
‘It’s also wise to accept that you may not find the same connection you found with your ex again, but you may find a new connection that is wonderful in its own way.
‘Let yourself loose a little, and slowly build up to these new relationships.
‘If you’ve been hurt it can be difficult to reopen, but by interacting with new people continue to remind yourself that you are giving yourself the opportunity to have new experiences that can help heal. ‘
Hayley Quinn, Dating Expert, Matchbox
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